Chapter 1
Jax—Present
The engraved
invitation I held was heavy in both my hand and my heart, but it confirmed I
had the right address. I regarded the church before me with a sigh.
It all came down
to this.
Cars parked nearby
and guests streamed inside. I hung back, leaning against a tree. I’d
hoped I would catch a glimpse of her, but she must have gone inside before I
got here. Everyone was dressed in their nicest clothing and chatted amongst
themselves, enjoying the day that was sure to be filled with happiness and
love.
My heart was being
slowly ripped out of my chest.
People had stopped
filtering into the church—there was no time
like the present. I slipped inside; maybe no one would notice me.
Excitement filled
the interior, creating an almost audible hum. I went down a hallway to see if I
could locate her. When I spotted women dressed in dark purple dresses, my heart
sank. I had found her.
As the ladies
talked and giggled, I pressed myself against the wall, praying they would be
too caught up in their excitement to notice me. They walked right by me as
though I were part of the decor. When they were out of sight, I continued down
the hall until I saw the sign on the door. Bride’s
Room.
I’d
known what to expect, but it didn’t
help. I was devastated all over again.
This should have
been our day. She should be getting ready to walk down the aisle to
marry me. If only I hadn’t been such a
disaster, it could have been me.
I rapped on the
door and looked up and down the hall to see if anyone would come and interrupt
me.
“Come
in,” she
called from the other side of the door. My breath caught in my throat. It had
been five years since I heard her voice. I closed my eyes and gave the knob a
slow turn, opening the door just enough for me to slip inside.
My heart stopped
and my lungs failed when my eyes fell on her. She was facing away from me,
watching through a full-length mirror. When she saw me, her eyes widened and
she gasped. She wore a tiara on her head that caught the sunlight from the open
window and a veil that fell down her back. Her long, red hair hung in curls.
Her dress hugged her body in an amazing way and it was hard to look away. She
was still as gorgeous as the day I last saw her. Her blue eyes still captivated
me. It was like no time had passed, and she was the same girl who stole my
breath the moment I first laid eyes on her in the diner.
If only I had been
strong enough back then to hold on to her.
“Jax,” she said, and turned to face
me. Her hands flitted down her dress, smoothing the fabric. “What
are you doing here?”
“I
came for you,” I
said, stepping closer to her. Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her
head.
“You
can’t be here. Not today.”
“Cassandra.” She winced when I said her
full name. It felt wrong, too intimate to call her Cassandra after so
many years apart. “Cassie, you can’t
marry him.”
“You’ve
been gone for years, Jax. Years. I’ve
moved on.” She
tried to sound convincing, but her voice wavered. That little bit of hesitance
gave me the courage to tell her what I came to say.
“Please,
please don’t do this.”
I moved in closer until I was close enough to touch her.
Running a finger down her arm, feeling her skin, the same electricity that was
always between us sparked, and goose bumps washed over her flesh. She closed
her eyes as though she were in pain, yet her body swayed toward me. I took her
face between my palms, running my thumbs over the soft skin of her cheeks until
she looked up at me. Her eyes were full of regret and tears.
“I’m
getting married today, Jax. You can’t
be here.” She
said the words, but her body pressed closer to mine until only a breath
separated our lips. Her eyes seemed to plead for me to take her away, yet also
for me to just leave. She was torn, wanting me and pushing me away at the same
time.
“You
don’t have to get married. You could leave with me right now.”
“I
can’t. My family is here and his family is here and I can’t
just leave. What about Ben?”
Of course her
first thought would be about her son. “We
can leave through the back and I’ll
call my sister. Ry won’t mind grabbing
him and meeting us wherever we go.”
She closed her
eyes again and tears cascaded down her cheeks. I brushed them away with my
thumbs. When she opened them, pain and uncertainty circled there. My eyes
dropped to her lips and she parted them, pulling her full lower lip between her
teeth. I met her gaze, where desire swirled with the uncertainty and pain.
That was all I
needed. I closed the distance between our lips, and her eyes slid shut. A small
sigh escaped her. I pressed my lips gently against hers, reveling in the warmth
and the perfection of her mouth. She deepened the kiss, her tongue stroking
against my lips until I opened them. Her hands slipped into my hair, holding on
tightly as though I would disappear. I held her face between my hands, not
wanting to let her go, afraid of what would happen when this moment ended.
She moaned and
pressed closer to me until her body was melded to mine. One of her hands
dropped down and grabbed the waist of my jeans, pulling me to her. Her body
still felt familiar as I slid one of my hands down her torso and gripped her
waist. Our lips moved in a frenzy as we clambered to get closer to one another.
The need for her was painful. It had been five years since I held her this way
and tasted her. I wanted more. I wanted to devour her and make it so she wouldn’t
want to leave. It was clear in my heart and mind that once our lips separated,
the moment would be over.
As her hands tore
at my shirt, trying to get underneath it, someone knocked on the door.
“Cassie?” a woman called through the
door. She pulled away from me and the loss of her was an immediate ache. I
wanted to pull her into my arms and convince her not to let this be the end.
It couldn’t
end this way.
“Yeah?” Cassie answered, attempting to
catch her breath. She took a few hesitant steps away from me, but her hands
were still clenching my shirt, holding me.
“It’s
time. Are you ready?”
“Yeah.
Just—” She
sighed, closing her eyes. “Just give me a
minute, okay?”
“Sure.
I’ll wait for you down the hall.”
“I’ll
be there in a minute.” Cassie’s
eyes were full of resignation. They locked on mine.
“Cassie,
you don’t have to do this.”
“I
can’t leave Nolan, Jax. I care about him.” She let go of my shirt and
took a few steps away from me, then turned back to the mirror. She ran a finger
under her eyes and around her lips, fixing her slightly smudged makeup. When
she was done she turned back to me and her eyes were no longer churning with
emotion. She was surrounded by impenetrable walls. “You
have to leave, Jax.”
Pain twisted my
heart and my stomach dropped. “Please, Cassie.
Just give me a chance.”
“You
had your chance. You had years to come back and now it’s
too late.”
I moved closer to
her as the heavy pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. She held her hand
up, stopping me. “I’m
done, Jax. I’m getting married. You need to leave.”
“I
love you,” I
pleaded. I had to stop her from walking out the door and out on me. I felt her
slipping through my fingers again, but this time I would fight for her. She
gasped and her eyes widened briefly before she caught herself and her walls
rose again.
“If
you won’t leave, I will.” She walked to the door, her
dress rustling with her movements. Before she opened the door, she bowed her
head, her back still to me, and she rested her hand on the doorknob. “Goodbye,
Jax.”
She opened the
door and stepped out, leaving me behind.
I stood in the
middle of the room, still feeling her skin under my fingers and her lips
against mine. I replayed her voice over in my head, aching to have her come
back, but I had lost.
I had lost my
reason.
Time lost meaning
as I stood there, staring at the door and feeling the loss of her. Somehow, I
found my way out of the room and then the church. Once I was in my truck,
sadness overwhelmed me and I rested my head against the steering wheel. For the
first time in years, I craved the oblivion alcohol gave me. Something,
anything, to make this pain more bearable. But I had fought too hard for my
sobriety to ruin it. Without hope, though, I wasn’t
sure what the point was.
I put the car in
gear and drove away slowly, but I was leaving a huge part of myself back in the
church.
The farther I got
away from the church, my heart shattered. My hopes crashed and burned. I was
gutted. For years, I had held the hope that I could fix things—fix
us—once I had vanquished my demons.
Now I had nothing.
No hope. No dreams. My heart was broken beyond repair. I was left with sadness,
grief, and regret.
Maybe I deserved
to be left behind.
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